Getting to Know You: 5 Exercises That Will Help You Get What You Want in Life

“Getting to know you, getting to know all about you.” Sing it Julie Andrews! (If you don’t get this musical reference watch this!)

Getting to know YOU is so important.

It’s especially important when you are trying to figure out what you want to do with your life.

What do I want to do with my life?

This is a question that usually hits hard in high school when you are first tasked with trying to figure out what’s next.

For me, grade 12 was the first time I really had to sit back and think, “what do I like, where do I want to go, what do I want to do?” Up until this point most of my direction in life had been dictated, or at least steered, by my parents, teachers and coaches.

When you are all of a sudden passed the baton and told to run it can be a bit overwhelming to try and figure things out.

In my final year of high school, and my first few years of university, I really tormented myself with this question.

I thought I had to figure everything out right then and there. I thought I needed a definitive action plan, immediately. Did I want to pursue further education? Did I want to be a lawyer, writer or psychologist? Did I want to leave school and start my own business? Did I want to take a year off to travel?

In reality, I wanted to do all of these things. My interests ran far and wide.

I was having a hard time finding some focus.

In a sense this is a very privileged problem to have. I had access to TOO many options. I was in a very fortunate position where it was actually possible for me to pursue any of these things.

A much harder reality to face is when you don’t have any options, for financial reasons or others…but that is a conversation for another post.

As a student of psychology I spent a lot of time applying the advice from my textbooks to try and analyze myself.

In an effort to uncover my secret passion I would spend hours thinking about, and writing down, all of my areas of interest and skills. I took note of where and how I spent my free time. I visited several of the universities career counsellors. I did online personality tests. I asked my friends and family what they thought I was good at.

If anything I think I tried a bit too hard to uncover what I wanted to do.

As I write this I am still not 100% certain what I want to do when I grow up…I’m 33.

One thing I can report is that I am definitely more confident in what I like and where I want to go then I was in high school, thankfully!

When I was younger I tried so hard to be perfect and to follow the play book step by step.

Get good grades, go to university, go to grad school, get a good job.

I now realize that this is NOT the only way and it is NOT necessarily the best way to achieve the life you want.

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In saying all of this, I want to share a few activities that I feel have really helped me to put things into perspective and have provided some great personal insight. Take a read through and see if any of these ideas resonate with you.

None of these activities alone will help you to uncover your life’s true passion BUT, I can promise that you will gain some great personal insight and have some fun in the process.

The CALM binder.

CALM…Career And Life Management. This was a required course for all grade 12’s when I was in high school. Honestly, there is only one activity that I remember from this entire course….and it’s what I call “the CALM binder.” I call it this because I can not remember the actual name.

I also do not recall learning any other useful skill from this program. No offence CALM…maybe you could have thrown in a persona finance course…just sayin!!

The goal of this particular project was to write down where you want to be in 10 or 15 years. What do you want to achieve?

How to get started…

1. Get a piece of paper and a pen, or get your computer
2. Write down 10 things you hope to achieve in the next 10 years — these can be in bullet point form. It’s short and sweetThink about what you want to achieve professionally (career goals), where you want to be in terms of a relationship (are you hoping to be with a partner, do you want to be married), do you want kids (how many?), do you want to travel (put a couple of examples of where), how much money do you want to make (provide a range) etc.Really you just want to write down 10 goals that you hope to accomplish over the next 10 years. Try not to worry about any fears or barriers. Really shoot for the stars here. If everything works out, where do you ideally see yourself in a decade?

Why it works!

First, it gets you thinking about what you want. Not just what university you want to attend or what job you want to have but what kind of person do you want to be? It makes you take inventory of your values. Do you want a family? Do you want to travel? Where do you want to live?

The first step to obtaining any achievement or goal in life is acknowledging that goal by writing it down or finding some way to put it out into the universe. This is what holds you accountable.

When I found my grade 12 CALM binder a few years ago (about 13 years after graduating…oh my god….I can’t believe it’s been that long) anyways, it was so fun to go through and look at the things I expected myself to achieve by 25 or 30. I had VERY HIGH expectations for my future self!

The really awesome part about this exercise, I might not have followed the timeline that I set out in grade 12 as it took me more than 10 years to achieve some of these goals BUT, now 15 years out, I have accomplished nearly everything on my list.

Your 10 Year Plan For a Remarkable Life.

This is like the CALM project but totally amped up. The CALM binder was the Coles notes version of Your 10 Year Plan.

I heard about this activity on this episode of the Tim Ferris Show. It’s a long podcast so if you want to skip directly to this part of the conversation it starts around 1:33:51.

His guest was Debbie Millman, designer, writer, teacher and host of the podcast Design Matters. She first participated in the 10 Year activity as a student of Milton Glaser, a major figure in the world of graphic design.

How to get started…

For this activity you write down what you want your life to look like in 10 years. This isn’t just a outline or a general blueprint….this is all about the details. Grab and pen and paper and write down what you want your life to look like in 10 years. No holding back. There are no barriers.

What does your life look like if you aren’t afraid to reach for the stars.

Write in full sentences and paragraphs…no bullet points. Don’t edit yourself, just write. Pick a day in your future and go for it…the more detail, the better.

Where do you live? What does your house look like? Who lives with you? Are you married? Do you have children? Do you have any pets? What does your furniture look like? What do you look like? What kind of clothes do you wear? What kind of dishes do you eat off? What kind of food do you eat? What is your job? etc etc etc…..you get the idea…. this should be a multi page project.

Then you can take out your plan and read it once a year or, whenever you want to take a look.

Only minutes after listening to this podcast I started writing my 10 year plan. To be honest, it was harder than I thought it would be. In theory I know what I want in the next 10 years but when you have to try and explain the details, that’s a bit more challenging.

I loved this activity. I think it’s beautiful. I literally cried while I was writing mine…I will admit, since having my baby I cry a lot.

Why it works!

This exercise is effective because it really makes you think. This is about long term goal setting. What do you see in your future? What would you love to achieve if nothing was holding you back. Not fear, not financial burden, not a lack of confidence.

According to Debbie, after 5 or 10 years (I can’t recall the details) nearly everything on her list came to fruition.

I will end this section with a quote from Debbie in regards to this exercise…

“Write like your life depends on it, because it does,”

BOOM!

The Vision Board.

This isn’t groundbreaking news. You’ve probably all heard about the vision board.

The first time I remember hearing about the board of vision…I thought it was supremely lame.

I thought it was a big ol’ load of crap.

“You put pictures of what you want on cork board and then it comes true? Yeah, right.”

But, the older I get the more I believe in this stuff. Well, the more I have come to understand the psychology behind this stuff.

Again, I think the vision board is a different vehicle for a similar process. The value lies in doing more than just thinking about what you want today. You are forcing yourself to think about the future and the physical process of creating a vision board helps to solidify those plans.

How to get started…

There are many ways to build a vision board but the basic premise is this…

1. Get a piece of paper, a cork board, a white board, your entire bedroom wall….you pick your preferred canvass.
2. Now find pictures, cut outs from magazines, inspirational quotes — whatever visuals you want to use to represent what you want for your future. Your goals, your desires, all of the things that you want to achieve or experience to make your life happy and full.
3. Put your board in a place where you will see it everyday. Maybe keep it in your bedroom or bathroom.

Why it works!

The Self Fulfilling Prophesy. This Psychology Today article does a good job of summing up this concept.

The self fulfilling prophecy “is a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it is already true.”

This article provides an example of a person going to a party. If you believe that you are terrible with people and will have a super hard time making friends or initiating a conversation THEN you will probably walk into the party with your guard up, looking all awkward and unapproachable.

Alternatively, if you tell yourself that you are a super interesting person with lots to talk about and great social skills then you are more likely to waltz into that same part with your head held high, shoulders back, smile on your face and ready to have a great time.

Basically you are responsible for creating your own reality based on what you think about yourself and the world around you.

The Law of Attraction is basically the same thing. Many people are familiar with this term due to the commercial success of “The Secret.” By the way, not a fan of this movie at all. I watched it once and was totally turned off by the way they presented this age old concept. They made is sound like all you have to do to be successful is put up a picture and look at it…the end. I don’t remember them doing a good job of explaining the hard work that has to go with it.

I can promise you that if you simply visualize a big million dollar check, it will not magically manifest. You have to put the work in.

Anyway, I digress. The basic premise of The Law of Attraction is that we are all made up of energy and like energy attracts like energy. So, back to the party example….. if you are a super positive, approachable person then you are likely going to attract positive people and have a great time wherever you go. If you are a Debbie Downer, then you are going to attract other downers….wah, wah.

So, how does this relate to the vision board…

The Self Fulfilling Prophecy and Law of Attraction demonstrate that our thoughts precede our behaviours. Therefore, the more we think about something, the more we see pictures or quotes that motivate us, the more we are reminded of the goals we attain…..the more likely we will behave in a manner that aligns with the person we want to be and the goals we want to achieve!

The Life Resume.

If you are a current employee then there is a very good chance you have a conventional resume.

A resume is a nice little list of all the jobs you’ve had, all of the skills you’ve acquired and perhaps a short section on your hobbies…you know, to add some personal flair!

My name is JJ, I like running, travelling and all things outdoors…I also love long walks on the beach… (I really do!)

Rather than focus on your career accomplishments, The Life Resume focuses on all of the awesome things you have done in your life. Have you run a marathon, climbed a mountain, wrote a book, had a child, jumped out an airplane, conquered your fear of heights?

What are you most proud of? When have you pushed yourself to your limits to achieve something? These are the things that go on your life resume.

The typical advice for a normal resume is to keep it short and sweet - 1, maybe 2 pages at the most.

When it comes to the Life Resume you want that thing to read like a book. The more pages, the better!

Start drafting a version today.

How to get started…

Literally all you have to do is start a list of all of the awesome things you have done. Write it in your journal, start a new note in your phone or pull out a loose piece of paper…it doesn’t matter.

Start your list and keep updating it as you do awesome things.

I guarantee it will give you the motivation to do some of the things you want to accomplish but have been putting off.

For more info on the Life Resume checkout this podcast by James Altuchur interviewing Jesse Itzler (cofounder of Marquis jet and other cool things!)

Why it works!

Because when we know we have done awesome things we know we can do MORE awesome things. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour….or something to that affect!

The Failure Resume.

While we are on the topic of resumes I will introduce the Failure Resume!

What is a failure resume? Well, it’s pretty self explanatory. It’s like a normal resume but instead of listing all of your achievements, you list all of your failures.

It’s a chronological list of all of your fuck ups. And, if you’re doing life right, it should be pretty long.

This might not seem like an activity you want to participate in…I mean, why would you want to reminisce on your greatest mess ups?

But, as I have written about before here and here in order to find success you need to experience failure.

Failure means you are getting out there and trying things. It means that you are likely setting your sights high.

If you have never failed at anything, you probably aren’t pushing yourself enough.

The goal of this resume is to highlight all of the things you have attempted. All of the brave chances you have taken. All of the times you’ve put yourself out there.

Today it’s a list of all your failures but tomorrow, the next day, or someday in the future, it will become the road map for how you achieved great success!

So, pull out a piece of paper or open your laptop and start writing. Don’t overthink it, don’t holdback.

Have you ever bombed a test, failed a class, lost a race, not got hired, got fired, fallen off your bike, didn’t get the date?

How to get started….

Make a list of your failures

Then, if you want to take things to the next level and really learn from your mistakes, write down why you think you failed and what you learned from that failure.

Why it works!

Acknowledging your failures can help you get over the fear of failure. You can look at all of the things you failed at and recognize that you are OKAY. The world didn’t stop turning because you messed up.

Additionally, the failure resume lets you keep a running tally of all of the awesome shit you’ve tried. All of the times you totally put yourself out there. This is a list that you should really be proud of because it demonstrates how brave you are.

Lastly, the failure resume can help you improve if you use it as a learning tool. It can help to clarify your strengths and weaknesses. If you spend some time reflecting on why you failed at something it can help you to improve!

Bottom line, if you can’t think of anything to put on your failure resume then THAT is your greatest failure. Get out there, make some mistakes (within reason) and live a little!!

My challenge to you….spend some time getting to know YOU.

If you feel a little bit confused about where you are going in your life or what you want to do then I suggest you start your journey of introspection with one, or a few, of these activities.

Use these little exercises as jumping off points to start thinking about your goals and the things you would like to achieve in your life.

The idea is to gain some perspective on who you are, what you like, what you are good at…and maybe what you’re not so good at.

There is no downside here. Either you look back in 10 years and realize you have accomplished nearly everything on your Vision Board. Or, you read your CALM binder and laugh hysterically at all the outrageous expectations you set for your future self.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these activities as much as I did.

Until next time!

I would love to hear from YOU!

Do you have any other examples of activities you have used to get to know a little bit more about you?

 

References

Cover Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash