I’ll be honest, I have spent wayyyyy too much time and energy comparing myself to other people. As much as I don’t want to do it, it’s a very difficult habit to break.
Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison if the thief of joy.”
There’s a lot of truth in this statement. Think about how it makes you feel when you compare yourself, your looks, your relationship or your financial situation, to others…specifically those who have more of these things then you do.
Why do we compare ourselves to others?
It’s completely natural to compare yourself to your friends and colleagues. Leon Festinger, an American psychologist, came up with the concept of Social Comparison. Basically this theory states that we determine our own self worth by comparing our opinions and abilities to others. So, when we want to assess our physical appearance we might compare ourselves to a model in a magazine or a celebrity on Instagram. If we want to know our financial worth we might compare ourselves to our neighbours or friends.
Our obsession with social media doesn’t help. Look at the images people post on Instagram and Facebook. Parties, engagements, weddings, exotic vacations, delicious food, new cars, first homes, new babies. It’s hard not to make comparisons. But social media is not reality. We might think that the grass is greener on the other side but we don’t usually see the full picture….we just see the filtered, edited versions that people choose to share.
We typically don’t post pictures when we’re sick, or sad, or looking crazy. We don’t want to share images or stories about our emotional or financial struggles. Unsurprisingly, many studies have found linkages between the use of social media and increased rates of depression. Social media doesn’t cause depression but because people spend so much time comparing themselves to the idealized version of others while using these platforms, it can lead people to feel more negatively about themselves.
So, how do we try to avoid making comparisons and focus on being our best self and living our best life?
Celebrate your accomplishments
Instead of trying to keep up with the Joneses focus on what is right for you. Be happy with what you have and try to acknowledge your accomplishments. Be real with yourself, if there is something in your life that you want to change only you have the power to change it.
Success if not a finite resources
When someone in your life succeeds, be happy for them. Their success in no way diminishes your potential to succeed as well. So when you see your friends posting pictures of their accomplishments and celebrations try to feel inspired and happy instead of jealous or insecure.
Learn from the success of others
If you catch yourself feeling jealous or intimidated by someone else’s success think about what you can learn from them. If you admire their business savvy, fashion sense or financial prowess ask them for some advice and then focus on your own path.
Remember, looks can be deceiving
While it might look like “the Joneses” are raking in the dough posting pictures of their trip to Hawaii, their new SUV and fancy dinners… just remember, we don’t know the whole story. Maybe they’re overspending and drowning in consumer debt. Maybe they came into some inheritance or maybe they can afford a more extravagant lifestyle, yay for them! The bottom line is their financial situation has nothing to do with you.
Focus on what is important to you
Who really cares what the Joneses have. Happiness is not measured by the number of possessions you own or the type of car you drive. Find the things that are important to you, your family, friends, hobbies etc., and focus on that.
Put things in perspective
There will always be someone better looking, smarter and wealthier than you. On the other side of the coin, there will always be someone less good looking, not as smart and not as well off as you…so stop comparing yourself to others and try to be happy! Put things into perspective. If you have a roof over your head, a full belly, someone who loves you and, most importantly, your health, then you are doing better than A LOT of other people in this world.
